id give the world for you to want me. 4 years wasn't enough for me to give you the eternity you deserve.

they say love has no limits, so maybe it's true that what i'm living is real, it just never hit me, i just never believed it was possible.

i've been wishing and praying for months that this would die out, that you would come to what i thought was the truth but instead this wound just cuts deeper with each passing minute.

fight for the person you love, and only use the word when meant, you had taught me this years ago and it hurt to tell you this today. but it made me feel disgusted that it hurt me, why can't i be happy for you, love has given you another chance.

you're my best friend how can i keep hurting you like this just because im hurting? i aint leaving i never have. theres nothing in the world that i want more then to hear from you that you want to take on the future together, theres nothing i want more than to know that you're on this page with me.

you're my inspiration, baby i can't let you go.

baby, i'm not going anywhere i'll be here waiting for you just as you did for me.

even if it's wrong, your my everything, i'll give you the world.

ik hou van je.

i graduate high school tomorrow and i have no idea where i stand with myself. everyday i have more pressure, everyday i dislike myself more. it's taking a toll of me and i wish i could disappear to a place where no one knows me, or my past. i decided not to go to college because i realize that college can make or break a person, and me, i wasn't ready to be broken. i loved my life and i didn't want to risk anything. but here i am years later with not a person by my side. it was four years ago from today that me and you made the promise to stay by each others side through all of high school. we did it all from fights to love, from the beginning to the end you were there. you're choosing to leave me day by day, and day by day i hold onto you tighter. if i were to just let go we wouldn't fight so much but i don't think you understand. the person you see in me, i see in you. i think we need each other or maybe that's just what i want to believe. you are what i'm not and we both can't deny that we make a perfect team. but i believe the key to life is happiness and i don't think i make you happy. i love you and i put you before me but why cant i accept that you aren't in love with me like you once were? may 25th i made one of the biggest mistakes, and i hate it til this day. from that day on besides the following 2 months of hell a person came out of me that i never knew before, a person that i want to leave but i'm afraid its becoming a part of me. i always had respect for people, but for this past two months i don't give a fuck about people. you are what i want and im doing anything to try to accomplish this, but it isn't working all i'm doing is fucking shit up. and the worse part is that every moment of it, im enjoying it because it makes me feel like im a part of you, when really all i am is water under the bridge as you would say. but there is one part of me that never changed and its the way i care about the people who matter to me. that person i'm crazy about is changing into someone who is difficult for me to accept. i miss the person who wouldn't lie to me, but that person is leaving me. im trying so hard to pull him back, to save what's left of the person i love but i'm breaking apart as i do it. every kiss i see you give her, every hickey i see i want to cry. even though im disrespecting her, i feel like you and her are disrespecting what we had. i have faith in us like no other. you are my best friend and when i leave in a week im terrified you forget about me. im afraid you won't think about me every night before you go to bed, im afraid you'll begin to love your girlfriend. i just ask for the truth, and if the truth is that we will never be more than we are i want to go somewhere new. because if i cant go on with you i dont want to go on without you. im asking for something thats impossible, i'm asking for an answer that i know you don't even know. but i will be here when you have the answer, i will wait for the answer becuase its better than getting a lie.
can i be your girl
can i be as you once called me, your companion in life.
because thats all i want, 4 years wasn't enough. </3

you see this world we call our home is based on something that fucks with the mind, and this thing is called love. love isnt that cute dovey romance i cant get enough of you love, people have killed themselves over this how can it be cute. and the sad thing is not one damn people on the face of this planet can give me an accurate definition of love, sure they can give me how they would define love but guess what i have my own definition and so does everyone else. so how is something that doesnt even have a definition cause do so much to people. i mean the earliest of problems start when you think your parents dont love you. is love even an emotion or is it an action? because as far as im concerned no where did my heart send messages to my brain telling me that i loved someone. nope that never happened. so we all make up and feel what we believe is love and that's when problems start. no one can love you exactly how you love them, no one. but just because someone doesnt love you the way you love them doesnt mean they dont love you. so this is all just a guessing game that fucks with your mind.
so I've come to a conclusion that love comes in two forms, the feeling form and the action form.
when you first 'love' someone it is because you love what they do and who they act like, they basically have all control over this love, because that love is the one that when someone changes you say 'i don't love them anymore they aren't the person i fell in love with'. that love you recover then there is the deep love the one you have lost total control over its way past the controllable phase. that's when you love them no matter who they become and what they do. and that love is one that will stay with you whether they decide to leave you or if they decide to stick by your side.